Top Ten Things Never to Say to a Romantic Suspense Writer

1. "I should give a copy to my mom. She likes to read trashy novels." (So what do you like to do to express yourself creatively? Because I'd like to belittle you for it now.)

2. Any sentence containing the phrase "bodice ripper." (Let me guess--you're an unimaginative reporter who hasn't done your research?)

3. "I've always wanted to write a book. But I'm going to write a REAL one." (Whatever, dude. Let me know when someone decides to pay you for that mess.)

4. "So, like, with Fabio and sex on every page?" (NO! God.)

5. "I only read literary fiction." (Oh, I'm just too, too impressed. Has Stephen Hawking's think tank begged you to join them yet?)

6. "Yeah, I'd read your romance novel set in Latin America, but Mayan archaeology is a hobby of mine, and I'd be picking out all of the things you got wrong." (I didn't think my kneejerk response of "Die, b--ch, die" was appropriate given my nonviolent beliefs.)

7. "Does your husband do research with you?" ::::horrible wink:::: (No, actually I grab the mail carrier for that.)

8. "I'd read it if you wrote actual suspense." (I'd give you a copy to read if you had an actual brain.)

9. "Boston College would probably be really embarrassed to know that this is what you're doing with your M.A. in Literature." (In that case, YOUR alma mater must be mortified. As is Miss Manners.)

10. "Eeeeuuuuwwww!" (Generally, I believe in nonviolence, but for you, I'll make an exception. :::roundhouse kick to the forehead::::::)