Oscar!

Watched the Oscars last night when I should have been sleeping--just when Marin started settling into a manageable sleep routine, she decided to forget about sleep altogether and party all night with Mommy, every night. Anyway, here's a quick list of my favorite and not-so-favorite Oscar moments of the night.

Best Oscar Moments

1) I have to preface this one by saying that Jon Stewart started out the show looking like a lion who'd lost his roar. His usual self-deprecating humor didn't have the punch it usually did, because there seemed to be an aura of genuine "I'm not worthy" feeling underneath it. And I have to say, Jon, with your political savvy and whipsmart humor, you're worth twenty film stars of the self-absorbed, prone-to-gross-material-excess sort--many of whom were sure to be in your audience. I missed the devil-may-care confidence Stewart has behind the Daily Show desk. I missed the usual bite of his usual jokes as he REALLY tried to convince the Academy that, unlike last year's host Chris Rock, he wasn't about to put a (gasp!) movie star on the wrong end one of his verbal zingers. All that said, I loved Jon Stewart as host. His monologue was a little tame, but still funny, and as the evening went on, he got his groove on, delivering some funny ad libs in his usual laid-back, throwaway style.

2) Which leads me to my second favorite moment--the Jon Stewart-and-Co.-penned faux "campaign ads," including a hilarious one where a motley assortment of British Dames claim that Dame Judi Dench is no lady, one even going so far as to accuse Dame Judi of taking her eye out in a bar brawl. Classic!

3) The bit with Tom Hanks being unceremoniously blown off the stage during his acceptance speech by the orchestra--who proceeded to play in his ear, poke him with trombone slides, bash him over the head with a viola, and finally leveling him with a tranquilizer dart shot through a clarinet. If only the Academy really did that--it would add some drama to a pretty benign evening.

4) Who didn't love the Three 6 Mafia's exuberant acceptance speech when they won Best Song for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp?" As Jon Stewart said, "Now THAT'S how you accept an Oscar." I also loved that they changed the word "bitches" to "witches" in the song "for the kids who were watching," even though they had the censor's approval to leave the song as is--very sweet. And finally, I loved Jordan Houston's response when asked what he thought of people who were upset that a song about a pimp got an Oscar: ''I think I'm going to pray for those people." Well said and well done.

5) I know it annoyed a lot of people, but the quiet menace of the orchestra's playing during acceptance speeches cracked me up. Now if only they'd struck up the theme to Jaws when winners started to get a little long-winded. Bum ba bum ba bum ba bum ba... BADADAAAAAAA!!!!

6) Crash won Best Picture, upsetting Brokeback Mountain in the night's biggest surprise. Now, there's not too much that's subtle about Crash, so I don't think it TRULY deserved the upset, but I was glad to see something unpredictable take place. That said, Crash is an important film with a top-notch emsemble cast and some impressive film editing, so it deserved recognition. Not to mention that giving Ang Lee Best Director was a nice way to honor both films--and their messages of tolerance.

Worst Oscar Moments

1) No worst Oscar moment list would be complete without a worst dressed commentary, and that honor goes to Rachel McAdams. What the heck was that horrid yellow thing McAdams wearing when she hosted the Science & Technology Oscars? Didn't Johnny Weir wear that during the Olympics? Someone needs to take away McAdams' Bedazzler and get her to a real designer, stat.

2) What's up with stone-faced Charlize Theron, who not only did not laugh at Jon Stewart's jokes, but glared at him from the front row like he'd just kicked her puppy? Come on, Charlize. If you have half a brain cell, Stewart is hilari-- Oh, wait.

As a matter of fact, much of the audience seemed to not really get Stewart's humor at times. Maybe we should all pool our extra IQ points and add them to next year's swag baskets, so everyone can enjoy his jokes without hurting themselves trying to puzzle out what they mean.

3) Poor Lauren Bacall. I will always adore her and her films, but Ms. Bacall and a teleprompter is a matchup that should never be made again. AWWWKward.

4) It's probably a signal that I need a life, but I get REALLY annoyed when a group of people wins for some technical category or short film, and during their two minutes of fame and recognition, ONE PERSON hogs the microphone for the entire time. It happened last night--don't remember the category, but a man and a woman came up on stage to accept their Oscar, and the guy got to the mic first. And even though the woman was politely laying a hand on the guy's back, as if to say, "Please let me say a quick hello to my kids," homeboy kept nattering on in his maddening fashion, completely oblivious that it was someone else's moment in the sun, too. Naturally, the orchestra kicked it up a notch and the microphone went dead JUST when he'd finally decided to shut the crunk up and let her have a turn. Didn't this guy go to kindergarten? I don't know if the woman is upset by this dude's inability to share like a normal person, but I wanted to reach through the TV set and kick him. Creep.

5) You know, the Worst Dressed listmakers have done such a great job of subjecting stars to public ridicule that almost no one (except the much-maligned Bjork) wears train wreck fashions to the Oscars anymore. It's gotten so bad that People.com only has a list of "worst Oscar hair" rather than dresses this year. Shame, really. My favorite part of watching the Oscars has always been the "what was s/he thinking?" cringefest whenever someone graced the red carpet with a shockingly bad (and ridiculously expensive) outfit. This year, I had to settle for Rachel McAdam's skating-costume-turned-formalwear at the Science and Tech Oscars. Yawn. Come on, people, step it up. Where are the see-through fabrics? The Curse of the Spider Woman hair? The trolling-for-an-endorsement-deal dress made from credit cards? The cadaverous color schemes and bulge-revealing bodices? The wrap-around swans? Hey, I'd even settle for another "Kirsten-Dunst-wore-that-already" controversy, tame as that is. But no, everyone had to look basically decent, which is boring as all get out. Keep this up, and I guarantee Oscar will see his ratings steadily fall through the next decade.