Weighing in on American Idol

I think there's a law somewhere that if you have a blog and watch American Idol, you must blog about it. Anyway, I recently caught the first day of Hollywood week on Tivo, so here goes nothing....

Paris Bennett: Ann Nesby's granddaughter is still lovely, and I wasn't surprised to see her sail through the first day of Hollywood Week. The only shame here is that unless we experience a telephone voting injustice of Tamyra-like proportions, Paris has pretty much eliminated the element of surprise and has sewed up the competition this year. Then again, the voters did give Tamyra fourth place and supremely untalented hair-flipper Justin Guarini second, so I guess you never know. Coupled with the fact that my dad is still bitter over the untimely career demise of his all-time favorite, LaToya London ("I'm the queen of Alabama!"), and I'd say we shouldn't count our proverbial chickens. Still, with a voice like that, it's hard not to.

Kellie Pickler: She's still cute, and I still feel horrible that her mother left her when she was two. But did anyone else get the sense that Miss Pickler was milking her sad story to get further in the competition? "I'm the next American Idol, because I deserve it!" seemed a little manipulative. And her voice wasn't as clear as it was in her auditions and went a little off key in parts of "Hopelessly Devoted to You." That said, I'm still glad to see her advance, and I wish her well.

Chris Daughtry: The Bald One with the emotionally overwrought wife rocked the daylight out of "The First Cut is the Deepest." I loved this guy from his first audition, and I'm still surprised that Simon voted no to sending him to Hollywood. If he doesn't make the top 12, there is no justice in the world. (I almost typed that I would stop watching, but then I realized that that would be a lie. I'd be extremely disgruntled, though.)

Taylor Hicks: He's got a weird voice, he moves like he's being electro-shocked, and his prematurely gray hair makes him look older than the twenty-something he is. But I love this guy. I think his voice is unusual and pleasant to listen to. I love how he lets the music take him away, even if his movements are on the far side of elegant. And I love how gracious he is every time Simon takes a jab at him for his unconventional looks. You go, Taylor Hicks. I hope you make the top 12 and then some.

Brett Young: I don't remember what he sang or how he sounded, but I do remember that Paula looked like she wanted to leap over the judges table and start humping his leg. (I know this, because my dog gets that look sometimes.) Should make for some interesting if slightly uncomfortable TV if "Ace" Young advances to the top 12, regardless of whether Dr. Phil finds Paula a boyfriend or not.

The Fit Model: I don't know her name, I didn't see her in last night's episode, but I'm extremely bitter that she's there when Holly the Cutie Who Sings to the Elderly didn't make it. Holly the Cutie Who Sings to the Elderly had a clear, pure voice that would sound right at home fronting a band like the Pixies or Sixpence None the Richer. The Fit Model had a very average singing voice and was only let in because Simon and Randy liked how she filled out her tank top. Her golden ticket to Hollywood was the most in-your-face illustration of how much easier life is for super-pretty people since Tyra Banks donned a fat suit. Holly the Cutie Who Sings to the Elderly, my mom said to tell you that you probably didn't make it "because God decided that the old people need you."

Katharine McPhee: She's considered Paris Bennett's chief rival, but in the words of Randy Jackson, I'm just not feeling it. Dawg.

Joshua and Jarett Simmons: They kicked the felonious Brittenum twins in the booty with their audition, so if, as Paula says, the judges are allowing people to go on in the competition based on both their initial audition and their first Hollywood performance, then why are these two not still in it? I'm bitter, people, I'm really bitter.

And speaking of the Brittenum twins ... I'm not Carrie Underwood's biggest fan (having been solidly in Bo's camp since his original audition, even when my brothers laughed at me for it), but watching Terrell and Derrell unjustly trash her last night made me SO look forward to their imminent demise. I just wish they'd been booted for a lack of singing talent, rather than a lack of criminal talent, because that would have been fun to see. I'm really surprised with how quickly they went from charming and fun in their audition to catty and creepy in the first day of Hollywood week.

The Girl with Laryngitis: I might have rooted for her if it weren't for the whole "people who aren't even on my level are better than me today" schtick. Ay.

Garet Johnson, aka "The Crying Cowboy": I can't comment on his singing, because I spent the entire time he was on my television screen shrieking, "OMIGOD! HOW ADORABLE IS HE?" Tell me the truth: Don't you just want to squeeze him?

RJ Norman: Holy super-inflated ego, Batman! Mr. "I'm a bit of a ladies' man." and "I'm going to be the first guy to rock it!" was a producer's dream, setting himself up nicely for the big, well-deserved fall. I have to admit, though, I felt a little bit sorry for him when I saw him crying. People who mouth off that much about themselves are either suffering from a huge lack of self-esteem or are Kanye West. (But for some reason, I love Kanye. His mouthing off works for him--I have no idea why.)

Mandisa: Lovely, lovely voice. If Simon makes another crack about her weight, I'm going to fly to California and smack him, because I think she proves you don't have to be a size two to be beautiful.