Thursday, March 08, 2007

American Idol: Top 8 Guys

Troy and I took a break from blogging AI last week, because we had to recover from the shock of seeing AJ Tabaldo receive a COMPLETELY undeserved boot. We're back now, but we're still bitter.

Incredibly. Come back, dorky Leslie Hunt! Your atrocious scatting is missed!

TRACY: I LOVED AJ last week. He was like a happy little ping-pong ball, bouncing around the stage. And I thought his singing was TOTALLY fabulous. I hope something good comes out of his too-short exposure on national television, because he SO didn't deserve to go, sweet boy. As for who did deserve it ... Sanjaya and Phil "the Creepy Egg" Stacey, I'm staring at you.

TROY: Or Chris Sligh! Anyway, AJ totally got the shaft this week for all the reasons you've said.

TRACY: Although, speaking of good ol' Phil, I had thought he auditioned in the same city where he and his wife lived. He did not, so he couldn't have rushed home to be with her while she gave birth, and he probably didn't haul cameras into her recovery room. So ... I am chagrined. Phil Stacey deserves a little more love from me than he's gotten thus far.

TROY: No he doesn’t. He’s like the Taylor Hicks of this competition, but creepier and balder.

TRACY: And revisiting our aforementioned bitterness over AJ's untimely demise on the show, I am also saddened by the loss of my Boston meathead, Nick Pedro. While perhaps Simon was right about Nick being a little too laid back on stage, I would have loved to have seen him crack the top 12. He, at least, had an interesting and unusual voice. One that didn't make me want to projectile vomit at my TV or accidentally lapse into a coma.

TROY: And Nick, formerly known as “Quitter,” actually made me like him last week, so I was slightly devastated. I thought his voice was cool and unique, as opposed to whatever is coming out of Sanjaya’s mouth. Sorry Nick! I should have been on Team Nick from the beginning.

TRACY: Yet another reason why you should always listen to your sister. Anyway, on to last night's show.

To quote Gideon, that odd duck from last season who was, I believe, the first of the top 12 to get the boot, "You have to HAVE it. You HAVE to have it. You have to have IT."

These boys ain't GOT it. These BOYS ain't got it. These boys ain't got IT. At least most of them don't.

TROY: For the love of Tami Gosnell, these boys ain’t even got half of IT. None of the guys blow me away, but I think they could. There’s just a lot of bad song choice going on and a seemingly lack of enthusiasm.

TRACY: Blake was pretty good! I'm waiting for him to knock my socks off, though, and I'm guessing that he will at some point, but it wasn't last night, sadly. He's a shoo-in for the top 12, so I am not worrying on his account. Although this is two weeks in a row that he's beat-boxed. PLEASE don't let him be taking Randy's advice, because that schtick is gonna get old fast.

TROY: I was ALREADY sick of the beat boxing this week. Blake was my favorite guy for awhile, but I think he’s growing a Daughtry-sized ego pretty quickly. Chalk it up to the Unholy Allegiance of Chris Sligh, but I think Blake will need a slice of humble pie very quickly.

TRACY: Sanjaya was better, but better in this case doesn't necessarily mean I was off my head about the performance. And the hair. Oh, the hair....

TROY: :::shudder:::

TRACY: And the hula-ing! I mean, I'm all about being yourself, but that floaty little hula was atrocious. He looked like an acid-tripping Deadhead grooving out to "Sugar Magnolia." Appropriate for a Dead concert. Really odd for national TV.

TROY: I’m just finding Sanjaya to be super creepy. Neck and neck with the creepy lightbulb, in fact. Why are people voting for him? He has half the voice of CHICKEN LITTLE and zero of the personality. Plus, he’s totally on his way to becoming a Freddy, Jason, or Leatherface the way he continues to massacre a new song each week.

TRACY: I'd give that title to someone else altogether. For the sacrilege of butchering a much beloved Pearl Jam classic, Sundance Head deserves to be booted from the show right this second and followed around in perpetuity by a cattle-prod-wielding Cartman from South Park, who will proceed to zap him every time he even THINKS about warbling 90s alternative rock, even if it's in the shower. That was ... that was ... words cannot describe how awful, how past-their-prime bar band, how dear-God-my-ears-are-bleeding NASTY that rendition was. The boy needs to go, America. I mean it.

Sundance, I heard Eddie Vedder sing that song live in Seattle. I adore Eddie Vedder; Eddie Vedder's vocal cords are an American treasure. You, sir, are no Eddie Vedder.

TROY: Sundance isn’t even a Scott Stapp. ::::shudder:::

Seacrest SAID Sundance was singing a Pearl Jam song, but I didn’t even know what the heck it was until he sang the word “Jeremy.” What a frickin’ trainwreck! And what were the judges smoking for them to tell him it was great? Simply, it was a debacle of epic proportions. And I don’t even like Pearl Jam the way you do!

TRACY: I know! And can you imagine how our other brother Tom, card-carrying member of the Pearl Jam fan club, felt? I bet he's lying in a dark room somewhere with a cold cloth over his head.

Chris was better than I'd ever seen him. He has that generic boy band sound, but using it on a Keith Urban sound was genius. And sitting quietly on a stool and not doing the head-bopping Tequila shuffle? Even more genius. I'm not off my head yet, but this was good!

Oh, and Troy, what did you think about his re-dedicating a song to his grandma that was not about a sexual act. Good save, or icky reminder of something best left forgotten?

TROY: I don’t think anyone will be able to forget that debacle anytime soon. I just refuse to believe he doesn’t know what “Geek in the Pink” is about.

Chris is a’ight. He’s always slightly “pitchy,” but brings it more that a few of the other contestants (more on that soon). I’m not enthralled, but not annoyed either. Either be amazing or suck hard, Chris.

TRACY: Jared was weird. Weird facial expressions, weird shouting, weird song choice. I think someone is trying too hard to "love the laaaaaadieeessss," and it's NOT working. Dude, you're cute. We get it. Now get over yourself and sing, bitch.

TROY: Amen! At least he didn’t “sexily” rub his face this week. I want to like Jared, but he’s making it pretty impossible. I want him to pick fun songs, but he insists on picking and dedicating “Let’s Get It On” for his mother, while doing weird falsettos. He honestly wants to do better and, if he makes it to the top 12, I hope he’ll take the judges’ advice.

TRACY: Brandon started out fun and funky, but then we all started to realize that the melody did not budge from the first few notes, and somewhere in there, I fell asleep. This guy needs a lesson in song choice, fast. He's got the pipes and the easy stage presence to pull of something really grand, but he keeps putting us on the last train to Dullsville.

TROY: Brandon: the cure for insomnia

Brandon has a good voice, but he refuses to interpret. Instead, he sings JUST the notes on paper with a wide smile plastered across his face.

TRACY: Phil. (Must. Refrain. From. Creepy. Egg. Comments.) I know I said I should give Phil some more love, but I did not love this song. It was all over the place, and it didn't showcase what he can do. Last week was better, but the word of the day, people, was "untrained."

TROY: Just call him a creepy lightbulb instead! Anyway, creepy lightbulb sang a LEANN RIMES SONG. That’s just wrong. Plus, he totally reminds me of when Joey tried to look like a twenty-year-old on Friends. “Wack, yo.” When he’s standing in line with the other guys, it totally becomes a game of “One of these things is not like the other.”

I don’t know how much longer this lightbulb has left to shine ::bada-bing!::

TRACY: :::groan:::

Chris S. was a'ight, but I wasn't off my head about the song. He THINKS he's choosing great songs, but he's not. He needs something fun, with more range (because he's got one). And how awkward was it when he apologized for not bringing it? Don't apologize, you sad sack! OWN your awful song! OWN it!

TROY: Well, we know how much I love the Sligh. I just cannot muster up any kind of enthusiasm for him. He just has no endearing aspects and the talent isn’t phenomenal. Plus, once you talk back to the judges, you’re kinda dead to me.

I think this is just a detour on his quest for courage anyway. Follow the yellow brick road, Chris, and stay the heck off my TV set.

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Tracy Montoya writes romantic suspense for Harlequin Intrigue.

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