Mindless Topic #1

I never used to watch all that much TV, but lately, I've been in front of the tube a lot more than usual--something I've found tends to happen when I have a nursing infant around. Long story short, I have carpal tunnel, it's sometimes hard for me to hold a book with one hand, and I need the other hand to keep poor Marin from rolling off my lap and onto the floor. Ergo, I watch TV while Marin nurses.

I was supposed to take an online BN.com readers' group class on Great Expectations this month to keep my mind from completely rotting away, but between the online class I'm giving, hanging out with the kids and Jose, work, and trying to at least make an attempt to pay attention to friends, I haven't gotten past the first chapter. (I've been meaning to read Great Expectations for-freaking-EVER. And given how much I love David Copperfield--the book, not the magician--this should not be a problem, other than that it's an oversized trade paperback I can't hold with one hand. This year, I am still resolved to read this book, despite the fact that I'm flunking the free BN.com online class at the moment.)

Anyway, since I'm busy allowing my brain to degenerate, here are my current guilty television pleasures:

* BONES: OK, I confess, I started watching this Fox forensic drama because I'm carrying over a mad-hot crush on David Boreanaz from Angel, which was tragically canceled. And, at first, his acting (and OK, his looks--color me superficial) was all that made me watch. With dull performances from the lead actress; an irritating, recurring line ("Don't call me 'Bones'"); and bizarre subplots including one revolving around a supporting cast member's indigestion; I wasn't sure how much longer my crush would allow me to waste away an hour of my life each week. If it weren't for Marin, I'd have given up after two episodes. However, I've kept watching, and it's grown on me.

Basically, the plot revolves around a group of forensic anthropologists who help Boreanaz's FBI agent solve homicides where the victim's body has become too decomposed or destroyed for standard methods to work. Yes, it's another CSI-like series, but it's slowly developed a heart and humor that most of its contemporaries seem to lack.

FAVORITE RANDOM MOMENT: The Christmas episode, where the cast was quarantined in their lab over Christmas eve after accidentally releases a potentially fatal virus into the air. They all were allowed a visitation (through plexiglass) with family members, and forensic artist Angela warned her colleagues that they would recognize her dad, but she didn't want to talk about it. So when one of the singers from ZZ Top walked in as her dad in what had to be the most random television moment I've ever seen, I nearly died laughing.

AMERICAN IDOL: Who's not watching this show? (OK, people with lives, probably, or more intellectually stimulating pastimes.) Anyway, I'm obsessed, and I pick Paris Bennett to walk away with the title or, at least, the most lucrative recording contract.

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: This is for me, not the contestants. Because when blonde, pixie-voiced Kellie Pickler walked in and they did that shameless, manipulative montage about how her mother left her when she was two and her father is a drug addict and currently in jail, and then they showed her cute little smiling two-year-old face from a picture presumably from around the time her mother left her, I nearly lost it. OK, I did lose it. Seriously. American Idol made me cry, and during a sappy montage, no less. But you know, every little girl should be loved as much as mine are, and it hurts to think that there are some who aren't. I would love to see Kellie end up with a recording contract, even if she's destined to lose to Paris. She not only has a lovely voice, but she has nice manners--which is amazing since she had very little parental guidance. Good for her. (God, I'm SO turning into my mother.)

SKATING WITH THE STARS: Another mindless, guilty pleasure. But I'll watch anything that has to do with figure skating. However, I am so glad I have Tivo, because who wants to sit through Summer Sanders' incessant blathering and Scott Hamilton's shouting? (Is it because he's short that he feels he has to shout every word that comes out of his mouth? I'm short, and I don't shout. What's up with that?) Not to mention Debbie Gibson's whiny excuses whenever the judges comment on her less-than-stellar skating. Now I remember why Debbie Gibson used to irritate me.

You know what? I'm not a star, but they should have asked me to skate with Kurt Browning. Because really, I would have been the Best. Figure skater. EVAH. If I'd only had lessons.

That said, I'm enjoying Skating with the Stars, but not as much as I'll enjoy the real thing when the Winter Olympics start. Despite the new judging system that has unfairly handicapped Michelle Kwan by de-emphasizing the artistic element and relying too much on jumps. Stupid Marie Reine-LeGougne. (And if you know what I'm talking about, welcome to Nerd-dom.)

FAVORITE MOMENT: Don't have one yet, though it will be fun to watch Debbie Gibson get kicked off sometime in the near future. Or fall on her head--whichever comes first.

THE OC: The further I get down this list, the more I realize I need to watch something a little more edifying if I'm going to insist on spending this many hours in front of a TV. Anyway, I love the OC. It's completely mindless, but the dialogue is funny, and I've always loved the quirkiness Peter Gallagher brings to any character he plays. And it always provides good material for making fun of Mischa Barton with my brother Troy.

FAVORITE MOMENT: Watching Johnny get run over. Could the dude BE any more annoying? Unfortunately, this didn't result in the "Tragedy comes to the OC" storyline I was hoping for, but a Johnny-centric story arc where the actor shows his egregious lack of comedic timing and any acting talent whatsoever. Mr. One-trick-pony needs to go brood somewhere else, preferably on a show I don't watch, like Freddie.